We spend a major part of our life constantly wrapped in our own thoughts. Yes, as crazy as it might sound, we do talk to ourselves. In fact, we spend the most time talking to ourselves. Eating, working, exercising, cooking, reading – just name it. We do it through all. We talk to ourselves in our sleep too! And we are on an infinite loop with this. We do it so often and to such an extent, that we don’t really realise the power that self talk holds. And, I for one, don’t fall that behind. And that’s the reason I picked this book, to step out of thoughts and into reality.
The Power of Self-Talk 🤯
According to studies, we have over 50,000 thoughts per day. While we cannot control the kind of thoughts that come to us, we can certainly pick the thoughts that are worth our attachment. The thoughts that are worth working upon.
Self-talk can be positive or negative. Positive self-talk can put you in a good mood, can boost your confidence and actually help you lead a happy and successful life. But, the harsh truth is that the reverse is also true. Negative self-talk can put you in a bad mood, discourage you and keep you from leading the kind of life you would want for ourself.
“The way we talk doesn’t only affect us in the moment. It can seep into our subconscious and become internalized, changing our thoughts and behaviour in the long-term.”
GARY JOHN BISHOP
A very simple way of putting this would be, let’s say you are working on something. But you constantly keep thinking to yourself, “This is so hard. What if I don’t finish it in time?” This then leads to anxiousness and the task at hand seems way more difficult than it actually is. And we would all agree, that is not a tad bit helpful.
But at other times, when we want to crack an exam or land a job, we only let positive thoughts in. We think to ourselves, “I can and I will give it my all to achieve it.” Because we know that if we start thinking that we will not able to achieve, it would lead to discouragement and we will not be able to work towards it.
The way we think about a particular situation is influenced much more by our subconscious thoughts than its reality. How we talk, think about, and therefore perceive our surroundings is what creates our reality. So, the idea is to bring a change within yourself, to re-frame our thoughts one word at time to engage with your circumstances in the desired way. And this is where the book steps in. The book has been divided into seven personal assertions to direct our thoughts in a way that consciously lets you pave the path that you want for yourself.
What is assertive self-talk? 🤔
Assertive self-talk is when you start to talk in terms of “I am…” or “I embrace….” or “I accept….” or “I assert….” rather than talking in terms of “I will….” or “I am going to…..”
One of the reasons that we never stick to our New Year resolutions are because more often than not the language we use for it is “we are going to….” and that makes all the difference.
The idea is to shift from a narrative (where you talk about yourself, others, life in a dialog of opinion and judgement) to being assertive, where you put aside all the internal clutter and assert power in the present.
This is change will not happen in a day. Just like you build a habit by repeating an action, you need to use assertive language repeatedly to bring a lasting change in your lives.
The Seven Assertions
“I am willing”
Any situation that we are in is because we are willing to put up with it. Be it a bad job, a terrible relationship or any other situation. You are in it, because you have chosen it for yourself, whether you like it or not. So the question that you need to ask yourself is “Are you willing to stop living the life you have and start living the life you’re after?” And you need to answer it. Because when you are finally willing, you will find that willingness that motivates you to bring the change.
We often view ourselves as procrastinators or lazy or unmotivated. When in fact, you maybe unwilling. In such a case, you need to face the reality. Once you accept it, you will not feel burdened with guilt or regret every time you see something that you want.
Both assertions “I am willing” or “I am unwilling” can be just as effective. For example, are you willing to find a new job? Yes. “I am willing.” Are you willing to stay in a job you hate? No. “I am unwilling”.
Both can motivate you equally depending on the situation. You just need to find which one suits your situation to reframe the way you approach your problems. Once you frame the obstacles in your life in terms of “willing” and “unwilling” – instead of burdening yourself with negative opinions of yourself and your circumstances, you can break through the self-imposed barriers that are holding you back.
“When you are free to be open and available, with nothing held back, no lies, no withholds or half- truths, you really are your most expressive, most alive self.”
GARY JOHN BISHOP
“I am wired to win”
Everything that we set our mind to becomes our reality. Humans are always winning, our brains are wired to win. Let me explain this better.
Let’s say you met few people, had relationships but for some reason they didn’t materialise. After that, you kind of started to lose hope. You started questioning yourself “Am I not meant for relationships?” Then one fine day, you met someone. You started dating, things were going well for you. But then at some point, your thoughts of self-doubt started to crawl in. Then things started to fall out, everything started turning into an argument. And finally you parted ways.
Now, while the relationship had failed, you’ve actually won at life. How?? Well, you won at the failed relationship because that is what you had set your mind to in the first place. What if you are actually driven to prove the notion that no one will ever love you? You may have overreacted to problems when there may have been none. You may have started picking at the tiniest of things. Over time you proved your point and the relationship reached its obvious, final and natural conclusion. What if this is what you had become wired to win at? You were convinced you aren’t meant for a relationship, so you went out to prove it and succeeded.
“It is the power of the mind to be unconquerable”.
Seneca
Our thoughts are very powerful. We hold certain notions of ourselves or life and we are constantly working to prove that. And those beliefs then become our reality. But the problem occurs when what you want subconsciously is different from what you actually want. Subconscious thoughts are deeply ingrained in us, so to succeed in a positive way, we will have to change our thinking a little to win at something we consciously choose.
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts. Therefore, guard accordingly, and take that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.”
MARCUS AURELIUS
“I got this”
There comes a time in our lives when we are feeling a little low. It could be because of a huge issue like losing your job or could because of something as trivial as not getting enough sleep the previous night. But the problem with us is we let these issues, be it biog or small seep into our daily activities. Like you would find yourself stressing over your lost job or lack of sleep at dinnertime. We let all these negative experiences seep into other aspects of our life and then life seems to be way more difficult that it really is.
“Everyone has their problems, and life isn’t always perfect. It never will be.
gary john bishop
Life isn’t always easy, it has its ups and downs. But if you actually compare your problems to other people’s life, it may not seem that significant. Take a moment to analyze your life for what it is in reality, rather than viewing it from your self-talked narrative and that will help you put things in perspective.
Deal with your problems one by one. Don’t let them pile up. Solve them one at a time and move on. Every problem is solvable. If you cannot find the solution, it means that you haven’t taken a good enough look. You need to make a shift in which you view your problems and you will realize that things are not all that difficult as you perceive them to be.
“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light”
ARISTOTLE
” I embrace the uncertainty”
We always seek certainty because we want to be safe. We want to prepared for anything and everything that lies ahead. But certainty is a complete illusion. No matter how prepared we try to be, we can in no way ever be sure of what lies ahead. We can make as many plans thinking of the future but at some point our plans are bound to fail.
“Develop and grow that muscle to be with the uncertain in life.”
GARY JOHN BISHOP
The only constant thing in the world is uncertainty. By running away from uncertainty, we are rejecting the only known thing which is uncertainty.
“All I know is that I know nothing”
SOCRATES
All your dreams, experiences, successes lie in the uncertainty. By rejecting uncertainty, you are rejecting all of this. When you stop seeking certainty, you will see all your stress wash away. Because we spend most of our time stressing over what lies ahead and then refusing to accept things when they don’t or aren’t going to go your way. But, there never is anything to figure out. Life is an adventure and the uncertain is filled with endless opportunities. So, all you got to do it embrace the uncertainty to live life to your true potential.
“I am not my thought; I am what I do”
Most of the time we let your internal condition reflect in what we do. If we are feeling low, we stop to take a break until we feel motivated to work again. But the truth is there are going to infinite moments of these feelings. Everyone, even the most driven people get thoughts of self-doubt, procrastination but they don’t let these thoughts get to them. They maintain their focus and continue to do whatever they were meant to do anyway.
“You don’t have to feel like today is your day, you just have to act like it is.”
GARY JOHN BISHOP
It would definitely help if you are in the right mood or mindset for anything, but you can’t sit around waiting for the right mood to get to you. Because if you do that, you will never even get started in the first place.
“We become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions”
ARISTOTLE
You change your life by doing, not by thinking about doing. Thoughts without actions are just that. So, the negative thoughts that you get are nothing if you leave them behind and continue to act on the positive. We know your thoughts can become your reality. So when you act on the things that align with your goals, your thoughts will actually shift to match that. Eventually your consciousness starts to get the idea. That builds your self-confidence and trust in yourself and helps you in the long term.
“By challenging our thoughts with actions and exposing ourselves to the situations we resist, we train our brain to see the world more cognitively. We get accustomed to living life, “as is” rather than how we think it is!”
“I am relentless”
Anytime that you have worked to achieve something in your life, you have stepped out of your comfort zone to get there. You have overcome all distractions, negative thoughts and the opinions of others to achieve your goals. The impossible only becomes possible when you believe in it.
“We would accomplish more things if we did not think of them as impossible.”
VINCE LOMBARDI
Relentlessness is to take focused, determined actions repeatedly. The key to becoming relentless is to focus on the problem at hand. Give it your full attention. Then you can move onto the next problem. You need to become who keeps moving forward even in the face of adversity. The answer is always out there; all you need to do is find it.
By doing this, you become someone who learns to tackle obstacles rather than avoiding them. You learn to take one step at a time. And if you come upon something that’s blocking your path, you find a way to get over it or get around it. Then you keep moving forward.
“I expect nothing and accept everything”
Expectations blow things out of proportion and dilute your power to deal with issues effectively and powerfully. Expectations not only affect you negatively, they actually serve as a blow to our aspirations.
The best way to live life is to live in the moment and solve issues as they arise, rather expecting constantly.
That way, you’re neither worrying about the future nor rejecting the past. You’re simply going with the flow and embracing everything as it comes. You are owning your situation and taking complete charge of it. And that is the most effective way of resolving your life. To own it!
“Love the life you have, not the one you expected to have”
gary john bishop
Don’t expect anything from anyone. Accept people for who they are and free yourself from the burden of expectation. Plan for victory, but learn from defeat. When you are free from expectations, you can simply execute your plan and deal with what happens on the go.
Summary
The book has chalked out some really important lessons to help you in the long run. Most of the lessons that have been highlighted in the book are things we are all aware of but don’t really keep in mind. The book helps in highlighting them in an effective manner with several examples from all walks of life. The persuasive tone of the author really helps. It is not like you would be able to follow everything that has been talked about by the end of this book. But you can highlight a few of these things and try to inculcate them in your life. You can remind yourself of them whenever you are stuck in life and that would really help you live a better life.
The book starts with the explanation of the importance of self-talk. Self-talk affects you in more ways than you can imagine. Positive self-talk can put you in a good mood, improve your confidence, increase your productivity. Negative self-talk can discourage you and keep you from living the kind of life you want. It can give rise to self-doubt and affect your productivity.
The human brain has nearly 50,000 thoughts coming to mind each day. While there is no way to control these thoughts or alter them, the one thing that we can control are our actions. We need to choose the thoughts that are worth acting upon and not be demotivated by negative thoughts. This is exactly what this book is about, the author urges us to get out of our thoughts and act.
Successful people too have thoughts coming to their mind. But they don’t let them affect their work or life in any way and keep propelling forward. This is where they stand out.
Our thoughts aren’t our reality, our actions are. But our thoughts are so powerful that they can push you in a direction that you may not consciously want for yourself. This is why it is important for everyone to get out of their thoughts and act in the external world. Our brain is wired to win. Often, we wonder why didn’t I get into this particular college or why didn’t something go as planned. One of the underlying reasons for it is that on a subconscious level, we believe something which is way different from what we want on the surface and that is where the problem lies. As our brain is wired to win, not getting something that we wanted may seem like a defeat on the surface but subconsciously we have actually won. This is the power of thoughts and self talk. And this is the reason that the author repeatedly asks us to get out of our thoughts and work. These are changes that won’t happen in a day but you need to push yourself to develop these habits to see the radical change in your life. You need to be willing to take the step to bring positive change for the long term
We should try to lead a life with no expectations and willing to accept everything. By living like this, you learn to live in the moment and are neither worried about the future nor weighed down by the past. This single most thing can resolve most things in life and help us in living a happier life and this is what I believe formed the crux of the book.
The seven personal assertions —
- I am willing
- I am wired to win
- I got this
- I embrace the uncertainty
- I am not my thoughts, I am what I do
- I am relentless
- I expect nothing and accept everything
“𝐌𝐚𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬
